Manners Of Giving Sincere Naseeha/Advice

- An extract of an article by Kamil Mufti in Al Jumuah Magazine.

Seeking the Pleasure of Allah by giving Naseehah

It is necessary that a person has the intention of seeking the pleasure of Allah when giving naseehah. Only such an intention deserves reward from Allah and acceptance from His slaves.

If the intention is other than that, then that person deserves the anger and wrath of Allah as well as the hatred and rejection of the people - including the one being advised.

Not slandering the one being advised

This is an affliction that has befallen many Muslims. Many times, after taking a closer look, we find that the person giving naseehah actually wants to slander the person he is advising because of personal hatred. This does not befit the one being advised and may lead to a worse situation with no benefit resulting from the naseehah.

Naseehah is to be given in secret

Naseehah is most likely to bear its fruit when given to a person when he is by himself, for in such a situation the person is less likely to be affected by the thoughts of others. The sincere advisor should not aid the Devil over his brother by publicly rebuking him and letting Shaitaan beguile his brother into not taking the naseehah. This closes the doors of goodness and acceptance, and reduces the chances of the naseehah from being accepted.

This is why our pious predecessors used to give naseehah in secret. Hafidh Ibn Rajab writes, "When the righteous predecessors intended to give naseehah to someone, they admonished him privately, to the point that some of them said, "The one who exhorts his brother between him and himself , then it is naseehah. The one who exhorts him in front of people, then it is merely scolding!"

Fudail Ibn Ayyadh, one of the pious scholars from our predecessors, said, "A believer covers up and gives naseehah, whereas an evildoer exposes and humiliates." Ibn Rajab commented on Fudail's saying, "It is naseehah if it is with a cover, while humiliating is with broadcasting."

Naseehah is to be given with kindness, gentleness and softness

A sincere advisor must be kind, soft and well-mannered in giving naseehah to others, as this might get the desired response from the one he is advising. One must understand that accepting naseehah is like opening a door, and that the door will not open without the proper key. The one who is given naseehah has a heart that has a lock in some matter - for he has abandoned something that Allah has demanded from him, or has committed something that Allah had forbidden him from. There is no better key to unlock the heart than kindness in giving advice, gentleness in exhortation and softness in speech as the Prophet (sallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam) has said, "Kindness is not to be found in anything but that it adds to its beauty, and it is not withdrawn from anything but it makes it defective." [Muslim]

Do not compel others to follow one's Naseehah

It is wajib (obligatory) on the advisor to render sincere advice to others, but it is not his right to compel others to follow his advice as well. That is the right of the Muslim ruler upon his subjects or a Muslim Qadhi (Judge) in his jurisdiction. A sincere advisor is one who guides toward goodness, but he is not to command others to act upon it.

Ibn Hazm writes that one should not give naseehah on the condition that it must be accepted, otherwise if one goes beyond this, he will be oppressing not advising, and seeking obedience and control. In another passage, Ibn Hazm writes that if a person is mistaken in his advice, he would be expecting people to follow him in his mistake.

Choosing the proper time to give Naseehah

The one giving naseehah must choose the right time to give his advice, since a person is not always ready to receive naseehah.A person may be angry about something, upset about not getting what he wanted, grieved for something he may have lost, or there may be some other reason that might prevent him from responding to the naseehah.

Abdul Hamid Bilali writes, "Choosing proper time and place is one of the greatest causes for the acceptance of naseehah and eradicating evil", and as Abdullah Ibn Mas'ud said, "Hearts (sometimes) yearn and are attentive, but (sometimes) they go through lapses and feed repulsion. So take from them when they are (in a state of) yearning and are attentive, and leave them alone when they go through lapses and are feeling repulsion."

Naseehah that is against Islam is not to be followed

Giving naseehah is part of Sharia. Therefore, if someone gives advice to leave a deen demanded by the Sharia or to perform a forbidden deed, then it is not called naseehah. The one giving such should quit doing that and the one being advised should not accept it. For instance, if someone tells you to shave your beard, to expose some part of the body by taking off the hijab, to shake hands with women on job interviews, to date the girl you are interested in, to take a job at a gas station that sells alcohol, or to go see the latest movie, then you should not obey. These matters are not counted as naseehah which the Prophet (sallAllahu 'alaihi wa sallam) made part of the religion.

Self Improvement & Islam

How many of us can say that we constantly try to challenge ourselves to be better all rounded individuals? I'm not simply talking work wise as most of us have some sort of motivation or the other when it comes to work. We want to be able to get a raise, a promotion, not lose our jobs, not look bad in the eyes of other co-workers so we try to work hard. What about other aspects of our lives?

Do you look in the mirror when you've gained a few pounds and say, "Hmm, I need to start eating healthy food and keeping fit" and then try to make changes in your life that benefit your health? I don't mean checking your weight obsessively and going through fad diets & rigourous exercises until you've attained some model like figure. There's a difference in being thin and being healthy and fit. I'm talking about the latter. Even thin people need to eat healthy foods and get daily exercise.

How about learning new skills? Have you ever found yourself thinking about teaching yourself skills to be self-reliant? You may not have succeeded but the point is, did you try or did you just give up?

How about improving language skills, whether it is English or trying to learn Arabic, the language of the Holy Quran.

My point isn't that one should not be happy with themselves but to not give up learning and growing as individuals. Not to settle for being second best. And I don't mean competing with others but with yourself. Challenging yourself to be better than what you already are in every aspect of your life. The excellence of knowledge can be seen in the following verses:

"Allah will raise in rank those of you who believe and those who have been given knowledge," (Quran 58:11)

"Say: 'Lord, increase me in knowledge.'" (Quran 20:114)

"Are they equal: those who know and those who do not know?" (Quran 39:9)

If you truly follow and understand Islam, you will realize that Islam is a way of life and about being a well rounded person. And if we follow Islam in it's true sense, we would be better in every respect.

"Mu'awiya was heard to say in a khutba, "I heard the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, 'When Allah desires good for someone, He gives him correct understanding in the deen. I am an even-handed distributor, but it is Allah who gives. This community will remain straight following the command of its Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and will not be harmed by those who oppose it until the command of Allah comes." " (Bukhari)

According to Islam in growing closer to Allah:

“Anas reported from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in what he reported from his Lord, the Mighty and Majestic. He said, "When the slave comes towards Me a hand-span, I go an arm-length towards him. When he comes towards Me an arm-length, I go a fathom towards him. When he comes towards Me walking, I go towards him running."” [al-Bukhari]
'Abdullah b. Mas'ud reported: I said: Messenger of Allah, which of the deeds (takes one) nearer to Paradise? He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Prayer at its proper time, I said: What next, Messenger of Allah? He replied: kindness to the parents. I said: What next? He replied: Jihad in the cause of Allah. (Muslim)

Being good to your family, neighbours, orphans, friends:

(Picktall) “And serve Allah. Ascribe no thing as partner unto Him. (Show) kindness unto parents, and unto near kindred, and orphans, and the needy, and into the neighbor who is of kin (unto you) and the neighbor who is not of kin and the fellow traveller and the wayfarer and (the slaves) whom your right hands possess. Lo! Allah loveth not such as are proud and boastful” (Quran 4:36)
(Picktall) "Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them to attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word." (Quran 17:23)
(Picktall) The Prophet is closer to the believers than their selves, and his wives are (as) their mothers. And the owners of kinship are closer one to another in the ordinance of Allah than (other) believers and the fugitives (who fled from Mecca) except that ye should do kindness to your friends. This is written in the Book (of nature). (Quran 33:6)
"Abu Safwan 'Abdullah ibn Busr al-Aslami reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The best of people is the one who lives a long life and whose actions are good." "[at-Tirmidhi]
Narrated 'Aisha: The Prophet said "Gabriel continued to recommend me about treating the neighbors Kindly and politely so much so that I thought he would order me to make them as my heirs. (Bukhari)
Narrated Abu Shuraih: The Prophet said, "By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe!" It was said, "Who is that, O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "That person whose neighbor does not feel safe from his evil." (Bukhari)

Being kind to another Muslim:

"He who relieves a hardship of this world for a believer, Allah will relieve a hardship of the Day of Resurrection for him; he who makes it easy for an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in this world and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the World and the Hereafter; Allah will be in a person’s need, as long as he is in his brother's need." (Tirmidhi)
"A Muslim is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, obscene or coarse." (Tirmidhi)

So don't forget to strive harder to be a good Muslim. Do not give up if you fail. Keep challenging yourself.