Knowing Oneself & Salatul Istikhara

[As salaam walaikum dear readers. I've noticed a lot of hits on this post. Please leave your comments as I would love to know if this post was beneficial to you. Jazakallah khair. :)]

I've been wondering if we see ourselves through others eyes. In my teen yrs, everyone (besides family and close friends) believed I was a shy, quiet girl when infact I was pretty talkative. I was just more comfortable with a small group of people rather than a whole lot. So, not many people really knew the real me. I believe I always knew myself well. I knew my beliefs, where I stood and what I wanted (which did change alot over time but I was always aware of it). I guess this is why most decisions came easy to me. It was only when I was not sure if I was making the right choice have I struggled the most. But alhumdulillah, I believe I'm trying to do my best. Many a times when I really felt confused, I've prayed to God and of course, the best prayer when you are confused about a decision is Salatul Istikhara.

I've prayed Istikhara in about 3 different circumstances and I believe things always worked out for the best. Alhumdulillah.

For those wondering about the prayer, it is to ask Allah (swt) for guidance in any matter that we may be concerned or confused about.

It's a very simple prayer. You make wudhu (ablution) likefor any regular prayer, face the qibla and pray 2 rakaats (non obligatory) and at the end of the prayer, recite the following dua:

‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa asaluka min fadlika al-’azim Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna hadha-l-amra Khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi) Faqdirhu li wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hadha-lamra shar-run li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or fi’ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li al-khaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi.

“O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favor, for You have power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters . O Allah ! If you know that this matter (then he should mention it) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: ‘for my present and future life,’) then make it (easy) for me. And if you know that this matter is not good for me in my religion, my livelihood and my life in the Hereafter, (or he said: ‘for my present and future life,’) then keep it away from me and take me away from it and choose what is good for me wherever it is and please me with it.”

For more information, check here.

Doing Away With Negativity

I had been thinking about this topic a few nights back and I came across this wonderful article on positivity.
I especially enjoyed reading the following:

"As believers, we are guaranteed victory no matter what our condition is, and that’s what makes us special. If we become ill, our sins fall away from us like leaves fall from a tree. If our child dies, he or she will wait for us in the Hereafter and intercede for us until we enter paradise. If we fight in a war, we will either win, or die as martyrs, which is a greater victory in itself.

So the question begs to be asked, why then are Muslims so pessimistic?"

Unfortunately, we can't change what we don't realize. Which is how lucky we are and how blessed we are in our life inspite of all the difficulties and crisis we face. As wise people say, whenever something bad happens, always look to the people who are in a worst situation than yourself. This is so we realize how lucky we are and so that we may be grateful to Allah (swt).

If you are among those who feel down after hearing criticism, try to not concentrate on the negative aspects in your lives and temporarily distance yourself from those who you find trying to pull you down with criticism, either on purpose or unintentionally. Although, generally criticism can be healthy because we may be unaware of what mistakes we might be making, but sometimes being criticized constantly can make us feel frustrated and have a negative impact instead of what was intended. In such cases, try to not concentrate on the negative but positive aspects of the situation and deal with the aspects that need improvement when you feel you are in a more positive frame of mind.

Remember that Allah (swt) does not burden His servants with more than what he/she can bear and He promises that with every hardship there will be ease. So, even though we may feel stressed about something today, tomorrow may bring better news. Finally practice patience during hardship, as recommended by the following hadith:

"The Prophet (peace and blessings upon him) said: 'A believer, in all his affairs, is envied whether in times of adversity or in luxury, and this is a special feature for believers only. Whenever a believer wallows in luxury, he thanks Allah, and whenever he faces hardship, he commits himself to patience. In all cases, it is good for him.' (Reported by Muslim)"

Trip Down Memory Lane

I accidentally came across a blog about a girl's experience of growing up in the 80s and 90s and I found it really amazing that I shared so many things in common with her. It brought back many memories for me. From nursery rhymes to story books to things I saw on TV, even games I had played in school. Hence, I've decided to dedicate this blog post to the cool memories I have from the 90s. :D

One of my favourite books during school years was Enid Blyton's story books. I was extremely fond of them and would borrow them often from our school library. During the later yrs I started to enjoy Archies comics of which I've collected some 300 - 600 books. :P Now I have no time to read them but I just love having them none the less.

During those years, friends also introduced me to English pop music. I recollect a friend (also my class partner) singing Spice girls' debut single which I proceeded to sing the next day - a completely messed up version I might add. It went something along the lines of:
" If you wanna be my friend, you gotta get with my friends,
you gotta follow fashion coz fashion is the thiiiiingg!"
Or some bizarre thing like that. It was only when my friend started to laugh at me that I realized those were not the lyrics. :P

I used to keep a scrap book of news paper clipping, articles, pictures, whatever that I had an interest in. I still have it. Brings back tons of great memories. :D Apart from that, I found several rough notebooks in which I would do my homework in (those days we actually wrote in books and papers rather than word documents) and occasionally about random convos I had with friends in class, poetry I wrote (which is too embarassing to blog about) and even bizarre dreams that I still have to this day. I'm seriously considering making a whole blog of the dreams I have. But since some dreams should not be shared, I might just make a note of it "old style" in some notebook. Infact, that reminds me that I actually DID have a diary in which I wrote nearly every day of the dream I had! I gotta try searching for that diary!

Me and my friends were pretty innocent in school (which is, unfortunately, not something that can be said about kids today) and were generally educated/made fun of by the smart alec girls in my class. But they were not too mean about it which was cool. I still remember a girl who tore up her chem test paper after seeing her score only ending up sticking it back with cellotape when asked by the teacher to bring her paper. LOL. I was just sitting behind her watching and laughing away as I saw her mood change from irritation to panic. The teacher obviously got mad when she finally saw the paper only to yell and ask her to get her paper signed by her dad (which in those days was a HUGE deal). lol.

Talking about huge deals, I think my school had pretty decent students but our punishments generally involved being thrown out of class (but we couldn't just leave the school premises so we either had to stand/kneel outside class or stand in the supervisor's office), made to stand in a corner facing the wall, simply standing during the entire class in our place (for which we generally sat down whenever the teacher wasn't looking), standing over the chair (which makes me laugh now) or teachers writing to our parents in our school "diaries" and getting a signature from our rents. The latter one was mostly in 9th grade upwards. Although some teachers were disgustingly shameful in their attitude towards the students and generally participated in insulting us or belittling us (which there is really no excuse for) and occasionally physically causing us pain (which should have been reported unfortunately) which made me hate most of my teachers in school. Dumbest thing was we would pretty much get into trouble for anything and everything. If you were late - they'd write a note in our diaries, if we wore the wrong uniform - got a note, forgot to cut our nails - note, hair too long!!! - warning, wrong colour shirt (it had to be a particular shade of blue *rolls eyes*) - warning, short socks - warning. It seems a lot like military now. I think it could be a reason why most students in my college turned into total freaks because they went from extreme rules to no rules whatsoever. No one cared if you came or didn't come, wrote notes or not, attended lectures or didnt. Only thing was if you didnt have enough attendance you couldn't sit for the exams which was probably an excellent rule but even that people considered horrible. lol. Bunking was extremely common. I was so innocent, I didn't even know what the term "bunking" meant. In case you are in the same boat, it means skipping classes. When my friend first suggested it, my reaction was of horror and that we could get in trouble. We did end up bunking but we never got into trouble. Ever. :D Well, maybe once when we bunked a clinical dentistry posting but we managed to talk our way out of trouble. Coz the entire group had bunked. :P My mum generally knew if I bunked so no worries. :P

After mentioning so many horrible things about school that I feel I should make up by saying something nice as well. Our school took us on trips during book fairs during which I generally bought more archies comics. We used to have fun running through the various aisles of books and checking them out, especially joke books. Our school also took us on picnics when the weather was nice which was awesome. We still had to wear our school uniforms though. :P Apart from that we went to science museums and animal farms which I think I enjoyed a lot more than many of my classmates. :P I also had really funny classmates who were total entertainment to watch. I hope they don't get offended when they realize who's writing this. I actually mean it in a very good way. With so many rules, you need to have a bit of fun & blow some steam sometimes. I also enjoyed PE classes mostly unless it was a particular teacher who mostly wanted us to run round the courts. :S She must have had a miserable life considering how miserable she turned PE class into. Apart from that, horror stories about the school being haunted was extremely popular and I generally made up stories and we used to try investigate various "abandoned" areas of school. It was funny watching some of the other girls get scared with made up stories like "dead man in the sewage" or haunted toilets. I still reminisce and laugh about it with my friends sometimes. :P

This made me smile - part 2

I had kept some bread and seeds out for the birds to eat and I usually get mynas, sparrows and a kind of pigeon who come to eat. It just happened that I put out some food one day and it started raining heavily so I peep out to see if the food is getting drenched, only to see a tiny sparrow come flying in the rain to eat the food, see me and take a u-turn in the rain and fly back. *wub* I was like awww! Poor little thing. :P

Ignorance Is Bliss?

I was watching this Asian drama on tv and some of the things I heard on the show made me laugh like hell at it's absurdity. A man had a head injury and was rushed to the hospital. The dr. informs the family members that he has lost a lot of blood (typical tv drama issue) and needs an immediate blood transfusion. Most doctors would be able to catch the fact that you can't have a huge amount of blood collecting in the cranial cavity (skull) due to the lack of space. The second thing the dr. proceeds to mention that the patient's blood group is AB positive and they do not have that blood group in the hospital and cannot accept any other blood type! :P Most high school grads know that AB positive is a universal recipient blood type! You can give them any blood type! And to my shock he goes on to refuse to accept O negative blood type which is the universal donor! People with this blood type can donate to every single blood type! I feel bad for the Asian audience listening to this nonsense. The least they can do is get such basic facts right and educate the poor public.

Self Improvement & Islam

How many of us can say that we constantly try to challenge ourselves to be better all rounded individuals? I'm not simply talking work wise as most of us have some sort of motivation or the other when it comes to work. We want to be able to get a raise, a promotion, not lose our jobs, not look bad in the eyes of other co-workers so we try to work hard. What about other aspects of our lives?

Do you look in the mirror when you've gained a few pounds and say, "Hmm, I need to start eating healthy food and keeping fit" and then try to make changes in your life that benefit your health? I don't mean checking your weight obsessively and going through fad diets & rigourous exercises until you've attained some model like figure. There's a difference in being thin and being healthy and fit. I'm talking about the latter. Even thin people need to eat healthy foods and get daily exercise.

How about learning new skills? Have you ever found yourself thinking about teaching yourself skills to be self-reliant? You may not have succeeded but the point is, did you try or did you just give up?

How about improving language skills, whether it is English or trying to learn Arabic, the language of the Holy Quran.

My point isn't that one should not be happy with themselves but to not give up learning and growing as individuals. Not to settle for being second best. And I don't mean competing with others but with yourself. Challenging yourself to be better than what you already are in every aspect of your life. The excellence of knowledge can be seen in the following verses:

"Allah will raise in rank those of you who believe and those who have been given knowledge," (Quran 58:11)

"Say: 'Lord, increase me in knowledge.'" (Quran 20:114)

"Are they equal: those who know and those who do not know?" (Quran 39:9)

If you truly follow and understand Islam, you will realize that Islam is a way of life and about being a well rounded person. And if we follow Islam in it's true sense, we would be better in every respect.

"Mu'awiya was heard to say in a khutba, "I heard the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, say, 'When Allah desires good for someone, He gives him correct understanding in the deen. I am an even-handed distributor, but it is Allah who gives. This community will remain straight following the command of its Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and will not be harmed by those who oppose it until the command of Allah comes." " (Bukhari)

According to Islam in growing closer to Allah:

“Anas reported from the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, in what he reported from his Lord, the Mighty and Majestic. He said, "When the slave comes towards Me a hand-span, I go an arm-length towards him. When he comes towards Me an arm-length, I go a fathom towards him. When he comes towards Me walking, I go towards him running."” [al-Bukhari]
'Abdullah b. Mas'ud reported: I said: Messenger of Allah, which of the deeds (takes one) nearer to Paradise? He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Prayer at its proper time, I said: What next, Messenger of Allah? He replied: kindness to the parents. I said: What next? He replied: Jihad in the cause of Allah. (Muslim)

Being good to your family, neighbours, orphans, friends:

(Picktall) “And serve Allah. Ascribe no thing as partner unto Him. (Show) kindness unto parents, and unto near kindred, and orphans, and the needy, and into the neighbor who is of kin (unto you) and the neighbor who is not of kin and the fellow traveller and the wayfarer and (the slaves) whom your right hands possess. Lo! Allah loveth not such as are proud and boastful” (Quran 4:36)
(Picktall) "Thy Lord hath decreed, that ye worship none save Him, and (that ye show) kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them to attain old age with thee, say not "Fie" unto them nor repulse them, but speak unto them a gracious word." (Quran 17:23)
(Picktall) The Prophet is closer to the believers than their selves, and his wives are (as) their mothers. And the owners of kinship are closer one to another in the ordinance of Allah than (other) believers and the fugitives (who fled from Mecca) except that ye should do kindness to your friends. This is written in the Book (of nature). (Quran 33:6)
"Abu Safwan 'Abdullah ibn Busr al-Aslami reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The best of people is the one who lives a long life and whose actions are good." "[at-Tirmidhi]
Narrated 'Aisha: The Prophet said "Gabriel continued to recommend me about treating the neighbors Kindly and politely so much so that I thought he would order me to make them as my heirs. (Bukhari)
Narrated Abu Shuraih: The Prophet said, "By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe! By Allah, he does not believe!" It was said, "Who is that, O Allah's Apostle?" He said, "That person whose neighbor does not feel safe from his evil." (Bukhari)

Being kind to another Muslim:

"He who relieves a hardship of this world for a believer, Allah will relieve a hardship of the Day of Resurrection for him; he who makes it easy for an indebted person, Allah will make it easy for him in this world and the Hereafter; he who covers a Muslim (his mistakes and shortcomings), Allah will cover him in the World and the Hereafter; Allah will be in a person’s need, as long as he is in his brother's need." (Tirmidhi)
"A Muslim is not a fault-finder and is not abusive, obscene or coarse." (Tirmidhi)

So don't forget to strive harder to be a good Muslim. Do not give up if you fail. Keep challenging yourself.

Divorce, Islam and Dr. Phil

I was watching Dr. Phil recently (For Better or Worse) where a couple were not sure if they can stay married as the husband had cheated on his wife. Towards the end of the show, Dr. Phil says to the wife that he'll tell her exactly when she will know to divorce her husband. I was expecting him to say something like when he proves he can't stay sincere, etc. Instead he said something that really surprised me. He said, when you feel no anger then you can leave him because when your children ask you why you left their father, the reply is not in anger but that you tried everything but it just didn't work.

For some reason his words reminded me of the following ayah in the Holy Quran regarding divorce:
Take them back in kindness or part from them in kindness (65:2)

Although this ayah is referring to men divorcing women but I really appreciated Dr. Phil for telling the lady not to separate in anger. We do many things in anger that we regret sometimes. His reasoning for that recommendation was for the benefit of the couple's children. I appreciate him even more now. :)